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I just can't stand a Sucker for Love, you know the type of man that just falls for any and every woman that gives him the time of day!
My besty Aisha and I were talking about this very topic over Fried Chicken and Waffles. A mutual friend of ours Lindsay just started dating this guy for like a month and he's already talking about them living together and of course he has already said I Love You!
See that shit would alarm me, I wouldn't see it as romantic, or soul mate-ish the way that Lindsay sees it, and come to find out Aisha.
If a guy starts pressing me for a relationship early I immediately think " hold up, are you some Sucker for Love??" Not Aisha though she points out " Nicole when a man is ready to settle down, he just is! He's ready, that doesn’t make him a Sucker for Love!” The way she sees it, clearly the man sees she is a gift, and therefore he is ready to make her his! And of course Aisha is the Married one!
But what does that say about me? Since the first thing I think about is “Shit! How many others did you jump to feel this way for?” What the hell makes you want to jump into this so soon?
Since I'm not easily moved, I'm extra cautious of those who seem to be. It takes me a long time to know if I really care for someone, much less say I love you! Even telling someone "I like you" requires what I consider to be a very uncomfortable vulnerability. I'm just not saying any of it, unless I REALLY felt that way, without a doubt. Pfffffttt I'm in no rush to leave the" we're just chilling."
Why the hell is it so easy for him?
I'm not saying I want a war or have to fight love outta him for there to be love between us, but I do prefer a simmer to boil type of deal. Isn't it appreciated more that way?
When I was in my early 20's I entered into a relationship that lasted about 4years, and we jumped into it after seeing each other for only a week. So we clearly didn't really know each other. What can I say I was very young Lol. But after 2 weeks He said,” I love you"! Even back then a little voice would whisper to me, "hmmm is this boy just looking for any skirt to hide under??" Although he said he loved me, it was a while before his actions matched his words.
After spending all those years with him, I gotta tell you he was a Sucker for Love! He loved the idea of being in love, someone loving and taking care of him, unfortunately reciprocity wasn't always his specialty. The deeper stuff, the stuff that really makes a relationship float was too much for him. The Baby Boy wasn’t ready for anything heavy. He just wanted to lock me down, enslave me with 3 words. Lol
To this day I make fun of him, asking questions like who do you think you love now?? LoL I'm just joking of course, but not really..
But I now I'm wondering if this way of thinking isn't common sense like I thought it was. Is this paranoia? Am I commitment phobic? Could I be subconsciously turning myself into the " Hey there lonely girl?" I didn't think I was still carrying baggage from my past, but maybe..
Should it really matter how many times the person said I love you prior to meeting you? If he loved every girl before you and every girlfriend was special, does that mean his love for you is generic?
This is no sucker for love. He is simply using the 'milockup' method so he can have his cake and eat it too. There are a few ways you can execute this: 1. say "I love you" (least effective) 2. move in together (effective) 3. get her pregnant(highly effective) 4. marriage (most effective, but not recommended)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunatley, the only sucker here may be Lindsay!
Yes...Love is generic, it is only the experiences derived from the emotions that are unique.
Well, tell me it you find the answers to these questions. I am suffering from the samething and I sometimes think...... I wish I were niave. If you look around, it's those women that have that little bit of niaveness going on that have the men. I'm sorry! I just can't not play stupid! but, I think that we become our own worst enemy when you build up so many walls and act like a know it all. It's a shame though....simply because women these days are deprived of saying "me and my man been together for...." you know?! I admire that, I wish that it was easy but the truth be told it's not. Definately one of those easier said than done situations. I often wonder tho.....how will I know?! How will I know when it's right? what if I'm incapable of knowing this......SCAREY! so my advice to you is, if you can help it change it now. And yes! love is a generic emotion, it's more of what you experience with a particular person and things that are build on with one another.
ReplyDeleteI think each relationship should be viewed individually. If he's not mistreating her and they enjoy one another's companionship, who says they're not in love? I think so many women are alone today because they're so guarded...not that you shouldn't be cautious, but you shouldn't be afraid to open your heart to a good man either. Don't hate on her happiness LOL
ReplyDeleteOf course you pay attention to the warning signs, but if everything is going smoothly, why fight it? Moving in with someone after a month might be a little premature, but that doesn't mean their relationship is invalid. You want the type of man that will be there for you and love you unconditionally. I had one about 6 years ago and didn't know how to handle that. Why is it that we always want the men that we have to chase after and those who don't care about us?
Also, love isn't really an emotion...think about it. If you and your boyfriend have a fight and are pissed at each other, does that mean that you stopped loving him? Of course not. So two people making the choice to be with one another and BE HAPPY shouldn't be a bad thing.
Another question to ask yourself is...why WOULDN'T he love me? Is there some character flaw that you have that should prevent someone from falling in love with you? If you don't deem yourself worthy of being loved the RIGHT way...why would someone else see the value?