What is Oprah teaching my Parents?! August 31st

Hiii Guys

I'm sorry for the delay I was away visiting my parents in Florida. And I swear my mother zapped my energy! lol. Lesma is no joke and what I thought was going to be a very uneventful trip turned out to be Crazy! There were two particular episodes that I need to shine some light on, however today we will talk about one, simply because I'm still trying to figure out the other unexpected foolishness that went down.

So you remember a while back I told you guys that my mother read my blog and told my father that it was a "whole heap of sex talk", although you might not have been able to read my nervousness through the blog, I really was. I mean shit Lesma reading this could never be a good thing. Growing up my mother was very very strict! Boys weren't allowed to call the house until I moved out! lol. Seriously I think I was about 19 years old before my mother thought that phone conversation with a boy was appropriate.
Senior year when the subject of the Prom came up, I basically had to tell her that I was going with my Best Friend Hope. All that was important was school, and keeping the house tidy!

Naturally I didn't know what to expect now that Lesma was a voyager in my "dirty" world of blogging. I did think it was odd that I didn't get a scolding phone call from her asking me if this was the way she raised me? But I thought for sure, If I'm down there for a week the words and questions are going to be flying so I better get ready!
But nothing could prepare me for what actually happened in Florida with the Spences.

Late Wednesday evening I was sitting on the couch chatting foolishness with daddy while my mommy was roller setting her hair in the bathroom. I noticed that daddy was having some side conversation with a woman via text {Wayne and his texting boy}.I immediately start playing with both my parents saying" If you were my husband you couldn't text no woman, I would clip him!" lol. My father finds this hilarious and uses the moment to quip" please Nicole what man would marry you" lol This is how me and my daddy always play. All of a sudden mommy comes out the bathroom, and she's like " Nicole you just tell him, for me, all of a sudden he's telling me I need to start wearing Thongs"! WHAT!!!!!! Uhm excuse me?? My nervous laughter filled the room! What the hell is going on in this house??!! My mind began to wander " shit Aunt Jasmine did say she took mommy to Victoria's Secret the other day, which I thought was very strange I don't think Lesma has ever been there, I mean maybe for the lotions but that's it. I mean I thought maybe she picked out some high cut briefs not THONGS!!!! WTF!! Whew I didn't need that visual, but then the conversation got worse! Lesma wasn't done airing him out. lol She goes on about how Daddy was watching Dr. Oz, you know Oprah's homeboy, and Dr. Oz told him that if he lost half of his belly he would have longer D**k!!! I know my Uncle Mark{daddy's brother} and Maurice are gasping for air right now! Yup Lesma said D**K!! I have never ever heard her say those words ever, and my ears will never ever be same! Even my father looked shocked as we both screamed out in Laughter! TMI Mommy, TMI!! My father and I usually go running in the am, and he is always focusing extra hard on holding in his belly, now this shit makes soo much sense! My parents are nasty! lol.

But what has happened here? Do my parents think that because I openly write about Sex and Relationships that we can now openly discuss their relationship? Uhm not sure if I'm 100% ready for that one, but it is cute that they could still be getting it in at 60ish! I guess we already know there ain't no hope for me, since I'm a Spence I'll probably want till I'm about 80! lol Which reminds me I should dedicate a blog to the Spence men, for they are 100% responsible for the beautiful Man that I am today! Jokes.. Muah!!

NicoleSpence.ME

Drive Slow Homie... August 17th!

I just can't stand a Sucker for Love, you know the type of man that just falls for any and every woman that gives him the time of day!

My besty Aisha and I were talking about this very topic over Fried Chicken and Waffles. A mutual friend of ours Lindsay just started dating this guy for like a month and he's already talking about them living together and of course he has already said I Love You!

See that shit would alarm me, I wouldn't see it as romantic, or soul mate-ish the way that Lindsay sees it, and come to find out Aisha.

If a guy starts pressing me for a relationship early I immediately think " hold up, are you some Sucker for Love??" Not Aisha though she points out " Nicole when a man is ready to settle down, he just is! He's ready, that doesn’t make him a Sucker for Love!” The way she sees it, clearly the man sees she is a gift, and therefore he is ready to make her his! And of course Aisha is the Married one!

But what does that say about me? Since the first thing I think about is “Shit! How many others did you jump to feel this way for?” What the hell makes you want to jump into this so soon?

Since I'm not easily moved, I'm extra cautious of those who seem to be. It takes me a long time to know if I really care for someone, much less say I love you! Even telling someone "I like you" requires what I consider to be a very uncomfortable vulnerability. I'm just not saying any of it, unless I REALLY felt that way, without a doubt. Pfffffttt I'm in no rush to leave the" we're just chilling."

Why the hell is it so easy for him?
I'm not saying I want a war or have to fight love outta him for there to be love between us, but I do prefer a simmer to boil type of deal. Isn't it appreciated more that way?

When I was in my early 20's I entered into a relationship that lasted about 4years, and we jumped into it after seeing each other for only a week. So we clearly didn't really know each other. What can I say I was very young Lol. But after 2 weeks He said,” I love you"! Even back then a little voice would whisper to me, "hmmm is this boy just looking for any skirt to hide under??" Although he said he loved me, it was a while before his actions matched his words.

After spending all those years with him, I gotta tell you he was a Sucker for Love! He loved the idea of being in love, someone loving and taking care of him, unfortunately reciprocity wasn't always his specialty. The deeper stuff, the stuff that really makes a relationship float was too much for him. The Baby Boy wasn’t ready for anything heavy. He just wanted to lock me down, enslave me with 3 words. Lol

To this day I make fun of him, asking questions like who do you think you love now?? LoL I'm just joking of course, but not really..

But I now I'm wondering if this way of thinking isn't common sense like I thought it was. Is this paranoia? Am I commitment phobic? Could I be subconsciously turning myself into the " Hey there lonely girl?" I didn't think I was still carrying baggage from my past, but maybe..

Should it really matter how many times the person said I love you prior to meeting you? If he loved every girl before you and every girlfriend was special, does that mean his love for you is generic?

Allegedly Jamie Foxx and Dwight Howard drop their draws, let's talk about it! August 14th!

This week is a big week for Peters, I feel like both of these brothers launched these nudy pictures just for me, so lets go in!

Those know me know I love basketball.
And they also know that I can't stand Dwight Howard I just never liked that big kid shit he's on! Not to mention that sub par performance during the slam-dunk contest.

But this picture is just proof that we just never know what we going to get, with these dudes! Dwight is 6'11 265lbs for no damn reason. Lol
His peter is just wack looking, isn't it. Ugly! The head all big the shaft all skinny! Very mushroomy .He didn't even care enough about it to groom it!! It’s all peasy! I mean who are u taking these pictures for?? It looks stinky! He's dangling it like it’s a" Teela"(baby penis) not a dick! Right? What happened to a firm grip?? He doesn't even want to touch it. Lol.


Oh the other hand check out Jamie Foxx!!!
Hmmm Jamie Foxx's peter looks yummy to me, am I wrong? His actually matches his body type. It’s not too big; it's average, with good girth! That whole skinny shaft big head that Dwight's rocking just isn't my steez. I am surprised that Jamie's body is that serious, even his butt looks nice! And you see how groomed this brother is? He loves his Peter; he takes good care of it! I looked at the pic 3 times before I realized he was in front of a toilet! Shit who cares! Dwight is the one that looks stinky! So I’ll be singing "Just Like Me" a little harder and "Blame it on the Alcohol" might make me blush now, but I still wont be paying attention to Dwight .

Ahhh I just had to share because now I have even more reason to not care come November! I like said before people Dwight IS NO SUPERMAN-
Talk to me Ladies which "Mic" would you rock? giggles!!!

Click on the links below, but I warn it’s not safe to click @ work!
http://www.zshare.net/image/6410901903e051ad/
http://img102.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc4&image=82512_Dwight_Howard_PicsVERYNSFW_123_4lo.jpg

Nicolespence.ME

Sailing Massacre! I think Rohan is Dead, dead issue! August 11th

Ok first let me say this blog is going to be lengthy because I need to make sure I have all the details so you guys understand what the hell happened this weekend.

After I sent out Friday's blog regarding the belly rub, I got interesting feedback from 2 of my favorite people, who BTW read my blogs every week but never ever write a response back. They love em but they're very busy. But this time was different my cousin Maurice and my Uncle Mark both sent me an email! And Marky actually made a point to call me Saturday morning to further state his point. They basically expressed that they thought I shouldn't have been so turned off by the belly grab and to give him a shot! Mark's exact words were " you wanna accept the ok guy, but castrate the perfect guy" hmmm they could be on to something. Oh and Maurice kindly pointed out its time to tighten up the belly too! lol. Since these 2 men really know me, they know I throw up all types of walls! So I listened to what they had to say, and I thought you know they could be right. Rohan does seem like a nice guy and he obviously he takes himself and his family seriously, and he's so accomplished. I need to be more open to new people and allow myself to get to know him, allow him to get to know me. Got it!

So fast forward Ro and I go out to dinner on Friday night to this Spanish restaurant in New Rochelle! Not sure if my family's words were working its magic, or if it was the Sangria, but he was looking extra cute to me, and body didn't look quite so round.. Lol It was cool. My girlfriend Tamara reached out during dinner, suggesting that I meet her at Ripe Kitchen@ midnight. Ripe is this Jamaican restaurant in Mount Vernon that me and my Golden Girls love!

Dinner went well and we had time to kill before my drop off at Ripe. So he asked if I mind if we stop at his place to feed the dogs? I didn't mind, and I actually wanted to see this house. I'm curious shit! Let me say this, his house was lovely! Just lovely and its an older house, and he's doing some great renovations on it. It has a lot of character, extremely nice for anyone to own, especially since it's his 1st house. Of course I start to think wow he's Dope!! Again no kids, never been married, Nice!!

We call it a night, no kiss, just good night to a nice night. However we did make plans to go sailing over weekend, maybe Saturday or Sunday we'll see.

Late Saturday afternoon, and he asked if I would be interested in coming to City Island to the Marina his yacht club was having a party. I just finished doing some yard work feeling dusty but I accepted the invite and invited 2 girlfriends with me, and we met up with him and 3 of his friends.

Once there we enjoyed the food and party, and then set sail for a ride to the Statue of Liberty.


All was cool in the gang at first then shit got crazy. Ro was driving the boat pretty fast, and by time we stopped in the water by our lady liberty my ass was Green and ready to throw up all over this damn boat! All I could think about was get me off this shit! So not cute. Yup leave it to me to kill the whole vibe!

Needless to say we had to make our back to the Marina!Once we got back and the boat was docked my stomach was finally back to normal. So we just all sat around on the boat drinking Mimosas and talking.

My friends and I began to realize that since we've been on this boat all we've been listening to was Lil Wayne, Jeezy and Dip Set 50cent! Wtf!! The girls and I started cracking up saying " let's hear some other type of music" you know like that shit is cool for little but all day!! Come on, don't you have that new Mario at least? Lol But these dudes weren't trying hear that.

Although we were making comments it was jokes, there was no need for what was about to go down! And keep in mind this shit is all over Hip Hop! It all happened so quickly but it started something like this. This guy Amar said to me that I would appreciate Rap more if I was from the Bronx!! Huh! What? Really dude? I thought that was a stupid ass statement especially since I am from the Bronx! I grew up in Rockland yes, but what the hell does that have to do with anything?? I'm Nicole, I like Rap, but all this f@ck b*tch , hoe that, all day is like angry music play some other shit! But honestly I kept all these statements to myself, I didn't want to argue with fools. So I left it as " That's not accurate, you don't know what you're talking about. Whether I'm from the Bronx or not has nothing to do with it!" He continued with his foolishness. But my girl Clara wasn't having that shit one freaken bit! She heard enough. And before I could blink my eyes! She was calling them dudes all types of Ignorant Bitches, Dumb Asses, and all was flying out of her mouth! lol. So things got heated quick! Yup Clara got a short ass fuse! Next thing I know she says a couple of more F@ck You's then she jumps off the damn boat!! SHAT!! Lmao! I mean we were already docked! But it was dark as shit 10:30 to be exact, and u know the water still causes the boat to sway some. So you're supposed grab the rope and pull the boat closer to the dock to get off! Nope not Clara, she's pissed and decides to Jordan leap off that shit! And still exchanging F@ck Yous with them as she walks along the pier! Hilarious. So me and my other girl say good night and promptly exit the boat immediately after that shit! The guys were still talking crazy as we walked down the pier the last words were something, like " Tell that B@tch to listen Hot97 on the way home!"

Wasn't that some crazy shit! Lol So here we are minutes to 11, and the Marina is like at the end of City Island. So we try and catch a cab, of course we can't! And we end up WALKING to the beginning of the Island and getting on the Damn Bx29 BUS!!!! WTF!!!
How the hell did our night turn into this!!

But I just think Rohan is a piece of shit! Because even though this argument had nothing to do with us , did you guys notice that I didn't say shit about him getting off the boat with us and making sure we got home safely! Shit move your Fat Ass off the boat and your Benz and take us the home! Nope he didn't. You know what he choose to do? Text me instead! Asshole!

So taking a page from my uncle's book I decided to explain why I was mad, instead of just throwing him away the way I normally discard shit! Nope this time I was more upfront about what took place, and instead of immediately saying sorry he defended his actions! And then he totally crossed the line and got real ugly with me.

Read the text exchange below :

Rohan : i feel bad whats up? where r u?

Me: really? hmm well honestly that incident should have never taken place, it upset me that it did. Ya know like on both parts, just escalated for no reason,but at the same time I think if you have any interest in me or pursuing me, claiming to want to get to know me, or just respecting me as a lady you should have at least walked me and my girlfriends out and made sure we were good. Not texting me. I don't like that. And it says a lot about you. Have a good night.

Rohan : yo yall ran out of here mad fast, i have showed u nothing but respect since we met.. ur girl and my friends should not have anything to do with us... i was i was calling u mad times but ur phone was going to voice mail.

Me: Its all good homie. we didn't run actually.

Rohan : don't put this on me because i tried to do nothing but make u comfortable.... but if you don't feel that way that's not on me. Its on you!

Me :You're a trip. You sat ur ass right there as I left the boat! I didn't exit the pier right away so you didn't move an inch! Lol. Its all good, I honestly don't care. You can lose the number :-)

Rohan : yo ur sister got mad on some stupid shit all he said was that if u were from the Bronx u would like the music... but ur mom was right u need ur teeth fixed

Me : Kick Rocks!
--

You see that shit he said about my teeth??!!! LMAO! I just told that fucker a story about how mommy is always saying that, the night before not even 24hrs yet and he's already throwing that shit in my face??!! Punk! Ok maybe he didn't like me saying lose my number with a smiley face attached, but we could have slept on that. You know either lose the # or talk when we're both not so heated! I think him choosing to already throw darts like that shows how emotionally unstable he is, right? Can you imagine if I had already kissed him, or if we were intimate and I shared more than just that story!! Then he would have thrown all types of shit my way, I would have been a real dirty b@tch then right?

Ugh! Although I hated that the argument took place, and it was all over Nothing! I am happy that I saw this side of him. I knew something had to be off, and as far as I'm concerned he must really have a little one if he gotta act like that! Pffffftt!! Mr Randy would never! ;) lol.

So of course he has now sent a million sorrys and a million explanations. Like his feelings were really hurt when I told him to lose the number, so he wanted to hurt me because he was hurt. But I just feel there is no going back! He showed that crazy shit too soon, and now I gotta go!

Don't you agree, Rohan is a dead issue??

nicolespence.me

My date with Rohan! { the guy from July 4th ppl! lol} August 7th

Ahh ok so I've hung out with Rohan twice. He's actually very chill with good conversation. He’s very Jamaican even wanted to swap curry chicken recipes. Lol. Our first outing was to a nice Thai restaurant (and I normally hate Thai) located at the Thompson hotel. The inside is very sexy with the best lighting and there is even a
Sexier outside seating most definitely a nice date spot. (@ 60 Thompson)

The second time we hung out was the day before yesterday. It was a very impromptu hang out session. He's spontaneous I like that! I went to Dos Caminos earlier to have an insane guacamole pig out session with my cousin. Rohan reaches out and suggests we meet up for some drinks. It was such a nice night in the city, I felt like the party should continue, so why not.

Ro meets me downtown, since I just stuffed my face he suggests we go to Merchants for drinks and cigars. The Merchants vibe was cool, we were downstairs in the smoking lounge, which is very warm and cozy with nice comfy sofas, if u can tolerate your clothes smelling like smoke when you leave, its a cool spot. I still made myself at home naturally. Any who, conversation between us was light, a nice steady flow. Nothing racy.
He definitely has a lot good going on in his life. No kids (he’s waiting for marriage) he has a great career as an Industrial Engineer (hmm a math wiz, good shit cuz I'm not) he owns his own house in Eastchester NY, drives a Benz and has a Boat! And he's only 27! (Another young one) Wtf, is right, a Boat! He has a lot right? My girlfriend Jihan said he might be over compensating for something he could be lacking. You know like he has a" Boat", because he doesn't have a Yacht! ;) LMAO

So there we were sitting and conversing at Merchants, we're both on our second round of drinks. All of a sudden Rohan does the craziest shit!
Ladies you know how when you sit down there might be a little belly pudge above your jeans, nothing crazy just a little belly. Lol. Well Rohan and I were talking about something as generic as the weather, and the Mf-er reaches in and grabs my BELLY!!!

WTF!! RING THE ALARM!! Omg!! No he didn't!! I didn't know what to do; of course instinctively I slap his hand and say WTF are you doing?? Why would you do that? Huh?? His face seemed shocked by my reaction but my face was shocked too I mean who the hell does that?? He kept saying how sorry he was and that he didn't mean anything by it, he thought it looked cute! I tell him, you grabbing my belly is like you just grabbing my breasts! You don't see me grabbing your crotch, do you? Or rubbing your belly? Why is that the Husky dudes, seem to be more into a woman's physique? Why are you so excited dude? Ooo the air just grew thick with tension. Lol

Ahhh I just have to laugh, and laugh loud sometimes. What's even funnier is earlier that night, he tells me how he's not fresh, and that his mommy raised him right. Uhm excuse me buddy but that was fresh. I told him now I question what you think is fresh! That was Fresh, you sneaking feels and shit!

When I think about my dating episodes my mind wanders to the discovery channel and I think I must be like the female elephant that releases a pheromone in her pee when she's mating. No matter where she pees or how many days later the male can track her down, he knows what time it is. Lol. Unfortunately for me my scent makes them crazy, cuz I swear the craziest ish be happening to me. Lol

Its just like a little while ago I went on a date with this nice looking brother, he was a talented writer. He took me to this Brazilian restaurant; I ordered this soup that I thought could have been warmer. Don't you know this man got up took the soup into the kitchen!!! Really?? Really?? You're gonna just by pass the waiters like that? Ok! Of course that was our first and last date. Lol.

What I realize is this dating shit right here, is no Ferris wheel no Carousel ride, when it comes to me and dating its the Free Fall, the Cyclone, the Batman, and any other scary ass ride! Lol

I also recently realized that Kennedy Fried Chicken sells the old school Mc Donald s apple pie! You know the fried ones! FML!!

Nicolespence.me

If He isn't your Boyfriend, would you tell him when your "Girlfriend" is in town? August 3rd

Ugh my life I swear!

So this weekend my girlfriend "Flow" was in town! If you know what I'm talking about, and I think you do. A pain in the ass to deal with, but no biggie.

Mr. Randy gives me call and requests my appearance at his lovely chateau! (Crib in the Bronx!)
Sure I could have turned down the opportunity to go over there, especially since let's face it there’s not much we can do when I got this monkey on my back. But that's my buddy I wanna see him, I'll just tell him not today, and that will be that. After all its a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

Uhm Wrong! We were having a good time at the chateau just chilling. We start kissing and of course mother nature being the hating b*@ch that she is, I have to pump the breaks and say" nah babe let's just chill" What?? Wtf, are you talking about Nicole?? Yikes. Uhmm I'm talking about us just chill laxin! I could see the puzzled look on his face. But I honestly didn't know what to say and I didn't want the whole period scarlet letter, you know that's not sexy " she got her period yo".


Ahhh but the dance has already started so of course he wants to know why I'm not shaking a tail feather. We go back and forth for what seems to be never ending.
Finally I'm like SHIT Randy, I got my period! Thinking that would calm the storm, but of course it didn't.

Now Randy was even more annoyed and he thought I was being very immature by not telling him that from the beginning. He uttered" A man needs to know his boundaries!!" Don't you see how wrong you are for this Nicole? (I didn't) We could have avoided all this debating if you just told me that. Your period is Life!!

Wow! Ok so he says that while his eyes keep looking down at lower region! lol As if he looking to spot some mess. LMAO See that's what I thought would happen.. It's personal. I know every man knows a woman gets her period. But its still a personal lady matter. And if we're not in a relationship, why would I expose all my lady stuff to you? I haven’t even brought my Tie Head (head scarf) over yet. Lol. Sure the "not tonight" didn't work with Mr. Randy, but its worked in the past. Lmao.

I guess he's ego wanted to know what the real deal was, and that I wasn’t rejecting him. But I don't care what he says he didn't want to hear about my period...womp womp. Lol.

Weigh in on this, is that something you would tell someone that you're not in a relationship with?

www.nicolespence.me